Friday, August 2, 2013

The Fatal Blow.

Wednesday afternoon I was lucky enough to meet with a doctor at the headache clinic at the University of Utah's headache clinic. Which bytheway, has a waiting list through December, but they moved some people around and had me seen this week because I was a special case. Gotta love that. The appointment went as expected, I listed my symptoms and she nodded and kept a smile smeared on her face but her insides were freaking out. After making some game plans, scheduling MRI's and starting new medications she started to mention "In a few months" and "We won't be able to tell for a while" phrases. So at the end of my appointment I finally asked the doctor my long anticipated question, "So Dr. Steffens, when is the best time for me to plan on returning on my mission." I thought her face would have been a little less shocked but she very quickly replied, "Um.. No. That chapter is over Katie. God appreciates your service, you did a great job. It's over now. Time to move on. You have a medical condition that will not allow you to travel far, let alone travel to be a missionary. I'm so sorry. Get a job. Go back to school. Get your health under control." Que the tears. I don't know why I didn't see that coming. But I think I thought I might have been soothed a little more. But, the way she said it I couldn't change around so it would fit what I wanted. So I am a forever Gentile. My dreams of returning to the PPM have quickly been shattered. But in the few days since that has happened I've seen how much Heavenly Father has blessed my life.
I was given 7 months to serve a mission when others are given none. I recognize how blessed I am and how lucky I am to be given the time I was to serve. I have absolutely no regrets. I served every second as best I could, I know I left it all out on the field. When I first got home I was talking to one of my companions who is home and explained how much I wanted to go back and she asked the question "Well Sister Andresen, do you feel like you've left anyone behind?" I really thought and prayed about that questions and felt confident in answering "No. I didn't." I think I should have taken that as a sign for what was coming, but I didn't. I know that I needed to serve a mission at the time I did, for a reason. I needed to meet the people I did, to learn lessons I never could have learned on my own. My testimony of the Book of Mormon has grown ten fold. My relationship with my Savior has developed in ways in only could as a missionary. I am sad I only got seven months to be a missionary, but I will forever be changed by those seven months.
So for now, the plan is to get healthy. I had an MRI this morning that will hopefully show the progress (or lack thereof) with my Chiari Malformation and whatever else is going on with my spazzy brain. I started a new truck load of medication that should start to help with a lot of the symptoms I am experiencing, not just the migraines. So all in all, I am being taken care of. I am so grateful for all the love and support that I have been shown since I got home. I am one lucky RM. Now on to becoming a functioning adult. Boo......

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